Mother’s Day can be an excellent opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate the wonderful mothers in our lives. But this day can also be
especially painful for those who struggle with grief, loss or infertility.
For women who are
battling with infertility, Mother’s Day can be one of the hardest days,
depending on where she is in her fertility journey.
Here are some tips on handling Mother’s Day when you are
struggling with infertility:
- Choose how you’ll spend the day: Give yourself
permission to say no if you can’t handle a big family dinner with all your
sisters, brothers, their kids, and the extended relatives. You need to
prioritize who you want to be around and how you spend your time. Avoid anywhere
where families gather for Mother’s Day celebrations. When you’re struggling
with infertility, seeing happy families celebrating Mother’s Day can be
triggering – so feel free to avoid those places if you’re feeling a little raw.
But you can make this day a celebration of your mother and the women who
have had a positive impact on your life. Try to take the focus off your
personal journey.
- Don’t ignore feelings of despair or depression due to
infertility: Remember that your feelings are valid, so give yourself
permission to feel however you need to feel. If you’re still feeling sad in
spite of making efforts to improve your mood, or if you are losing sleep,
feeling irritable or hopeless, or having trouble getting through daily
activities, call your psychologist or physician, you may need therapy,
medication or a combination of the two to start feeling better.
- Pamper Yourself: Spend the day treating yourself
to something you love to do, go on a road trip, watch movies in the afternoon,
or cook a gourmet meal with your partner. Indulge yourself in the things you
love like shopping, spa, etc. Pick out something you’ve been eyeing for a while. Keeping
active can keep your mind off Mother’s Day.
- Avoid Social Media: Facebook, Twitter, and
Instagram will be filled with pictures of children, handmade gifts from kids,
and other difficult posts for someone in the thick of infertility. Swear off
social media for the day and avoid tracking back.
- Be Proactive: You may want to take control of
Mother’s Day by planning a strategy ahead of time for how you are going to
spend it. Set your sites on a special day with your partner that takes you away
from triggering events. A stroll on a secluded beach or a hike on a remote
trail will connect you to nature and increase wellbeing. Talk to understanding
friends and family about your feelings and accept their love and support.
- Focus on the Positive: People
are hardwired to react more intensely to negative than positive occurrences.
While we absorb and hold onto upsets, we may let positive experiences quickly
roll away. Infertility is one of the most stressful events in a woman’s life
and the negative emotions associated with it can very quickly take over and
make life feel unbearable. On all days, and especially on Mother’s Day, try not
to let infertility color your entire emotional palette. Consciously make a
special effort to notice the positives, however small, in your day.
- Get a pet:
this is not a substitute for a human baby, but it can be great to cuddle, love unconditionally,
and fill a special spot in the infertile heart.
- Dream a Little: Maybe
you don’t have your family yet, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t ever. Stay
positive. With the many advances in infertility treatments, you may be enjoying
Mother’s Day next year or the year after. It’s ok to spend Mother’s Daydreaming about your someday babies!
