8 Tips to manage Mother’s Day when coping with Infertility

Sunday, March 14, 2021

Mother’s Day can be an excellent opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate the wonderful mothers in our lives. But this day can also be especially painful for those who struggle with grief, loss or infertility.

For women who are battling with infertility, Mother’s Day can be one of the hardest days, depending on where she is in her fertility journey.

Here are some tips on handling Mother’s Day when you are struggling with infertility: 

1. Choose how you’ll spend the day: Give yourself permission to say no if you can’t handle a big family dinner with all your sisters, brothers, their kids, and the extended relatives. You need to prioritize who you want to be around and how you spend your time. Avoid anywhere where families gather for Mother’s Day celebrations. When you’re struggling with infertility, seeing happy families celebrating Mother’s Day can be triggering – so feel free to avoid those places if you’re feeling a little raw. But you can make this day a celebration of your mother and the women who have had a positive impact on your life. Try to take the focus off your personal journey.
2. Don’t ignore feelings of despair or depression due to infertility: Remember that your feelings are valid, so give yourself permission to feel however you need to feel. If you’re still feeling sad in spite of making efforts to improve your mood, or if you are losing sleep, feeling irritable or hopeless, or having trouble getting through daily activities, call your psychologist or physician, you may need therapy, medication or a combination of the two to start feeling better.
3. Pamper Yourself: Spend the day treating yourself to something you love to do, go on a road trip, watch movies in the afternoon, or cook a gourmet meal with your partner. Indulge yourself in the things you love like shopping, spa, etc. Pick out something you’ve been eyeing for a while. Keeping active can keep your mind off Mother’s Day.
4. Avoid Social Media: Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram will be filled with pictures of children, handmade gifts from kids, and other difficult posts for someone in the thick of infertility. Swear off social media for the day and avoid tracking back.
5. Be Proactive: You may want to take control of Mother’s Day by planning a strategy ahead of time for how you are going to spend it. Set your sites on a special day with your partner that takes you away from triggering events. A stroll on a secluded beach or a hike on a remote trail will connect you to nature and increase wellbeing. Talk to understanding friends and family about your feelings and accept their love and support.
6. Focus on the Positive: People are hardwired to react more intensely to negative than positive occurrences. While we absorb and hold onto upsets, we may let positive experiences quickly roll away. Infertility is one of the most stressful events in a woman’s life and the negative emotions associated with it can very quickly take over and make life feel unbearable. On all days, and especially on Mother’s Day, try not to let infertility color your entire emotional palette. Consciously make a special effort to notice the positives, however small, in your day.
7. Get a pet: this is not a substitute for a human baby, but it can be great to cuddle, love unconditionally, and fill a special spot in the infertile heart.
8. Dream a Little: Maybe you don’t have your family yet, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t ever. Stay positive. With the many advances in infertility treatments, you may be enjoying Mother’s Day next year or the year after. It’s ok to spend Mother’s Daydreaming about your someday babies!